


The survival mechanism

by Seirin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 22:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8263516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seirin/pseuds/Seirin
Summary: In order to survive in Scouting Legion one needs to have something more than amazing fighting skills. One has to have also an ability to protect one's heart against the unbearable burden of ever-present reality.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I warning English isn't my mother tongue, so be ready for errors ;)

‘Hey, Shitty Glasses.’ In whole laboratory a slightly irritable voice of Levi could be heard. His steel-blue eyes narrowed when it turned out that the place, from which one could never pull her out of, was completely empty.  
‘Where did this shitty woman go? Is she constipated, or what?’ He muttered under his breath, watching scornfully her messy desk.  
‘Captain, are you looking for Miss Hanji?’ Suddenly he heard a voice of Moblit who had just entered the room holding a whole stack of papers.  
‘Yes. Your scatterbrained superior has once again forgotten to report to Erwin. ‘ Said the Humanity’s Strongest, putting a piece of paper on the messy desk. ‘Make sure she fills it.’  
‘Yes, sir!’ The closest co-worker of the scientist saluted obediently, watching closely the older man who directed his steps towards the exit. But before Levi closed the door, Moblit spoke once again. ‘I mean, as soon as Miss Hanji comes back. To tell you the truth, no one has seen her since the breakfast. It almost never happens…’  
For a moment it was silent. Two men exchanged a knowing look.  
‘I understand, Moblit. I’ll take care of it.’ Levi answered and left the younger soldier with an expression still filled with a concern. 

 

Single sun rays pierced through enormous treetops of old giant oaks. Under his foot rustled countless leaves painted by autumn herself. Heathers were interweaving with soft, green moss, creating a peaceful path. When he saw her silhouette, he stopped for a moment to take a deep breath to fill his lungs with a scent of approaching rain. He had no problems with understanding why she would come here in order to hide from the reality. Observing multicolored twigs lazily moving in the wind one could believe for a single minute that the world is endless, beautiful and safe.  
When he once again started to walk in her direction, he made his steps as loud as possible to give her time to come up with a believable excuse.  
‘How many times do I have to tell you not to disappear without a word?’ He said as soon as he stood right behind her. She was sitting on a huge felled oak with her head leaning against her folded hand. Her gaze must have been fixed on something which was very far away from here.  
‘Lack of my message somehow didn’t prevent you from finding me.’ She answered absently not even turning around to look at him.  
A grimace on his face intensified.  
‘You have much better assistant than you deserve, do you know it?’  
‘I guess you’re right.’  
Indifference in her voice started to really disturb him.  
‘Shitty Glasses, what are you doing here?’ He asked not hiding irritation in his voice.  
‘I’m observing.’ She remarked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
‘What?’ This answer caught him off guard.  
‘There, for example. Can you see it, Levi?’ She pointed her index finger at something in front of her.  
‘Do you mean this fallen dilapidated tree?’ It was really easy to hear skepticism in his voice.  
‘Yeah.’ She nodded her head. ‘ You see, this tree is dead, its roots completely lost an ability to deliver a water and minerals to leaves, but… ‘ She pointed a small seedling growing on the fallen tree. ‘But at the very same time it becomes a nourishment for new plants and insects. You can even say, that here death is no-existent. Anyway, not in its primal meaning. Here, it’s only a change of form… A survival mechanism. And sometimes I’m starting to wonder… Aren’t we exactly the same? Maybe the very same biology makes us go in the very same direction. A great human, who can rule the whole world, meets a new kind. And suddenly he stops being a predator, he becomes a prey instead. Quite unexpectedly, roles are reversed.’ She sounded just like her usual talkative self. Almost. Maybe, if he didn’t know her as well as he did, she could fool him. ‘And in order to survive, a man has to adapt. As a kind he has to change his current form…’  
‘Shitty Glasses, shut up.’  
‘Hm?’ She slightly turned around.  
In one moment Levi appeared right before her and forced her to look at him, firmly holding a collar of her blouse. Her gaze was dim in a disturbing way, full of cool indifference. So much unlike her.  
‘I don’t know what was born in this shitty brain of yours.’ He hissed through his teeth. He was angry. Many things were changing, but Hanji was one of constant elements in his life. One of few he allowed himself on. ‘Everything what’s happening doesn’t have any philosophical meaning, do you understand me? Behind all of these there is no fucking philosophy. People are dying and they’ll be dying till you find out why it’s happening.’  
The women looked away refusing to look in his eyes.  
‘I know.’ She answered shortly, which only intensified his irritation.  
‘So why are you pouring this bullshit?’  
Silence.  
‘Hanji.’ He urged her.  
She answered him after a long minute, once again looking in his eyes.  
‘I’m only a human, Levi. I also have moments, when I don’t have strengths for all of these.’ In her gaze he could see fatigue and resignation. Things which Levi, even if he never said it out loud, was afraid of. Those feelings were a sign of giving up. And giving up leaded to the final end.  
‘You have a right to feel like that, I agree.’ His voice was cold and ruthless. He wanted his every sentence to hurt her. Words sometimes had to bring pain. Sometimes a pain was the thing which made one remember one was alive. ‘But you have no rights to talk such nonsense. People are no fucking trees. Scouts aren’t dying out of old age. They are giving their lives for our fucking freedom. Did you forget what we are fighting for, Glasses?’  
Only after it in her eyes appeared glints of anger.  
‘Of course, I know it! Do you think I’m such an insensitive bitch?!’ She firmly pushed him away, but the man didn’t even budge.  
Yes. That was exactly the thing he wanted to accomplish. He wanted to see raw emotions in her eyes once again.  
‘Of course not.’ He answered more softly. ‘But you are Erwin’s successor, Hanji. And you mustn’t become indifferent to loss of even single life. You mustn’t get used to it. You mustn’t look at it as something natural.’  
‘No one. No one is indifferent to me, Levi.’ Her gaze was once again full of fire.  
‘Good. That’s what you are supposed to be.’ He said smiling to himself, completely satisfied, after which he sat down on the fallen tree. ‘So what were you saying about those new kinds of plants and insects?’  
For a longer moment she watched him closely. Levi withstood her gaze, wordlessly answering her unsaid questions and pretensions. With her being herself he could do it. This crazy, messy, dirty and amazing woman understood him better than anyone. He was sure that this time she would once again get what he wanted to tell her.  
‘Sometimes you behave like a true asshole, you know it short-stack?’ Her eyes were still full of anger, but he could see in them a merry glint, a sign of an approaching forgiveness.  
‘If you say so, we can always talk about your delayed report.’  
Corners of his lips rose slightly, when after a short moment Hanji sighed, after which she smiled and took a seat next to him.  
‘Those insects are sooo fantastic! Have you ever heard…’  
He would say it to no one, but he was listening to her with a pleasure. Her voice, in which he could hear once again a blaze of life, was to him one of the most relaxing melodies. Life in Scouting Legion was like an endless climbing. One could never know when next avalanche would appear, taking with itself next comrades or faith that reaching the summit is possible. And while climbing one needed to have an anchor, something which could help you survive another storm. A hand which won’t let you go, if you fall. A voice which makes you remember why you have to go up and up.  
She was the one who taught him that. It was her own mechanism. The survival mechanism.  
She made bonds. Not shallow and fragile, but deep and unforgettable. She reached out for him as well, when he thought he lost almost everything. Erwin gave him a new reason to live, but she was the one, who make him once again open up to another human being. She was destroying his inner wall as long as she achieved her goal. And right now he was going to make sure she would bear the consequences of her actions. He wasn’t going to let her give up. Never.  
It was his survival mechanism.


End file.
